Sunday, March 16, 2008
Mr. Cheapie's Frugal Budget Tips
So you experience like a hamster whirling your wheel? The faster you run, the faster the wheel spins. Just when you get a raise, you detect the terms of hamster wheels jumps!
Mr. Cheapie is here with his super-charged budget-cutting tips.
One of the biggest waste materials of money is eating house meals. You can cook a repast at home for about 2 cents a plate. Just set remnants in the microwave, and Presto!
Those same remnants cost a batch more at a restaurant. They name it "the buffet", and they sell it to you for $10.95.
Consider also the steak dinner that costs, say, $7 at home. At the restaurant, you pay $13.95 for the same meal. Or, if you desire fancy napkins, $39.95.
Funny thing about eating at home; you don't pay tax. But measure into a restaurant, and conjecture who leaps in: "Hello, my name is Taxman. I'll be your server tonight. Would you like to begin with something to drink? Perhaps a very nice glass of wine? That volition be 50 cents, plus the terms of the wine, of course."
"Why would you tax my wine?" Mr. Cheapie wonders. "It's not like the authorities made it."
"Who make you believe maintains this country free and safe so that you can enjoy your wine?" Taxman demands. "Do you believe Saddam Husain would allow you imbibe vino if he was still in power?"
"I don't see how he could halt me."
"Hah!" Taxman replies. "He have undercover agents everywhere. He cognizes you imbibe vino and he have targeted this very bottle to self destruct."
"Actually, I don't imbibe wine. His undercover agents must run on the same engineering as his scudding missiles," Mr. Cheapie muses. "How about a steak dinner?"
"An first-class choice," Taxman beams. "That volition be $1.73, plus the terms of the meal."
"Now what?" Mr. Cheapie demands. "Are you saying that Saddam is targeting my steak."
"Of course of study not," Taxman giggles. "We have got him locked away. But ticker out for North Korea."
"North Koreans are starving," Taxman explains. "They don't have got steaks."
"Ah, so the North Korean authorities desires to take my steak and give it to their citizens."
"Not a chance. That would go against the functionary North Korean policy of famishment for all. They would never feed your steak to the people. But they would throw it up to twit them," Taxman grins. "Then they would throw it into the fire to fuel a atomic missile trained on this very tabular array you are sitting at."
"Which is why you need to tax my steak."
"Exactly," Taxman nods.
"It's wish a security deposit."
"That's right," Taxman smiles.
"It's protection money."
"You understand," Taxman winks.
"It's your tip."
"That's what I SA ... no it's not! It's national defense," Taxman insists.
At home, you never have got to tip the microwave. But, at the restaurant, your server anticipates 15%.
Mr. Cheapie have discovered a legal loophole to salvage 15% on your eating house bill. According to a national Mr. Cheapie survey, your plate usually have 15% too much nutrient on it. Set aside 15% of your meal. When your server come ups to accumulate his tip, wage him in food. Your server raved about today's special, so Mr. Cheapie is certain he will appreciate having some for himself.
If Taxman is your waiter, don't actually give him the food. Just taunt him with it -- then mail it to North Korea. Then they won't have got to blow up your tabular array to get it themselves. Why wage for national defense when the postal service can protect your freedom to eat for just the cost of a stamp?
Aren't you glad Mr. Cheapie offers such as useful, free advice?